22-year-old student teacher in Illinois vents in a private group chat with her boyfriend and two roommates. A student deleted her lesson plan mid-class. She types "should I shoot him" with a gun emoji. Four people. Private. Snapchat's AI scans it. Flags it. Automatically reports to the FBI. FBI forwards to local police. Deputies walk into her school within 60 minutes. She cooperates. Hands over her phone. Says it was a joke. Police say no threat. School says no threat. Prosecutors charge her anyway with disorderly conduct. Released next morning. Student teaching placement: gone. Here's the kicker: Snapchat's privacy policy says it may report messages when it "believes" there's a risk of harm. That definition comes from an algorithm. You're never told when your private messages are flagged. You're never told when a report is filed. You find out when police arrive. The message was private. Except it wasn't.