Week of Mar 23

Issue 4 Mar 23 – Mar 29, 2026

Week of Mar 23

The Iran war hit week five with US planes shot down by their own Patriots, Marines reportedly captured, and the northern front cracking open as Hezbollah pushed into the Galilee. Meanwhile the oil shock went global, the home front broke on both sides, and the White House launched a farming website called OnlyFarms.

The US is now shooting itself down. Patriot batteries downed three American aircraft and Trump spun the pilots surviving as a win, while Iran reportedly killed a THAAD battery in Jordan and NATO quietly refused to confirm Israel's Diego Garcia missile claim, leaving open that Israel hit a US base and blamed Tehran. Unverified but stacking: US Marines captured on Iranian soil and an entire IDF battalion surrendering to Hezbollah.

The northern front opened. Hezbollah breached into the Galilee and a Houthi missile shut Ben Gurion airport, as Iranian missiles landed in Tel Aviv's heartland and hit Haifa hard. A Dimona radiation leak added a nuclear dimension to a war Pentagon planners now war-game as a ground invasion.

Both home fronts cracked. Israelis are looting for food, fleeing to Cyprus cursing Netanyahu, while his own spokesperson called him finished and Netanyahu openly ignored Trump's ceasefire push. Trump, for his part, declared total victory as rockets hit Tel Aviv and claimed his generals wanted the war continued.

The oil shock went planetary. Brent smashed $115, the Philippines declared an energy emergency, Australia panic-bought fuel, and plastic prices doubled.

The satire wrote itself. The White House launched "OnlyFarms" with a golden tractor, hyped an announcement that turned out to be a GPS-harvesting surveillance app, and CENTCOM blamed a dishwasher for AWACS damage.

Opinion

Patriot batteries shot down three American aircraft this week, and Trump called the pilots surviving a victory. That is the war now: the US military's biggest threat to itself is its own air defense, and the commander in chief spins each loss into a press release. A THAAD battery gone in Jordan, Marines reportedly captured on Iranian soil, an IDF battalion surrendering to Hezbollah, Ben Gurion shut by a single Houthi missile. Six months ago this was sold as a clean strike on a nuclear program that Witkoff, a real estate developer, invented out of nothing.

Netanyahu has stopped pretending too. His own spokesperson called him finished, Israelis are looting for food and fleeing to Cyprus cursing his name, and he still ignored Trump's ceasefire push while Hezbollah crossed into the Galilee and Dimona leaked radiation. He cannot win and will not stop, because stopping means the trial he has dodged for years. So he burns the country down around the delay.

Brent hit $115, the Philippines declared an energy emergency, Australia panic-bought fuel, plastic doubled. The White House answered with OnlyFarms, a golden tractor, and a farming app that harvests GPS data, while CENTCOM blamed a dishwasher for the damage to a billion-dollar AWACS. This does not de-escalate. Trump has no exit he can sell as a win, Netanyahu has no exit at all, and the Pentagon is already war-gaming a ground invasion. Week six arrives with more American aircraft on the ground than in the air.

Briefing

Week of Mar 23